The journey back home

Returning from exchange, I asked God for help for me to find my place in church in my home environment. It was definitely painful initially – I vividly recall all the shell-shocked and stunned stares when I first walked into UCF in the second semester of my third year, unprompted and on my own accord.

Simultaneously, I distanced myself from a large majority of my friends, recognising they were not good influences on my faith. I felt alone again.

The feeling of deep loneliness returned, but this time I kept the matter in prayer and trusted that in time, God would help me again.

It was a tough few months of feeling out of place, but I endured and immersed myself in every church activity and UCF session available. By the end of that semester, I had a few brethren whom I could call spiritual companions.

This experience taught me that God understands our needs and will give us the best in His time.

Drawing closer to God through service

In my final year, I was asked to be the UCF coordinator. I was inclined to turn it down, feeling unworthy and still too unholy for the work – it had not even been a year since my faith emerged from the dumps, and I was just starting to get to know people better.

The response from the committee was, “Isn’t that exactly why it’s a good time to start serving?” True enough, my faith and reliance on God was strengthened as I entrusted my struggles as coordinator to Him. I also grew much closer to brethren and reached out to some who were straying.

Finding companions through church work

I also found a spiritual companion in the sister who coordinated with me. Thank God, He blessed us such that we complemented each other’s shortcomings in our work, shared a similar silly sense of humour, and edified one another. I also thank God that the implicit obligation of attending all UCF sessions helped me stay close to God and church throughout my senior year.

The worthwhile, lifelong struggle of faith

“The work of righteousness will be peace, And the effect of righteousness, quietness and assurance forever.” (Isaiah 32:17)

From time to time, I miss my old life. I always had places to be and people to hang out with, whereas now it’s quiet since I don't have brethren whom I talk to regularly. However, after experiencing the goodness of living in the light instead of the dark, getting to know the Almighty God, and having confidence that He is on my side, I remind myself that the fleeting thrills from those experiences and people can never compare to God’s eternal promises.

Changes in me

The handful of less-unhinged friends I had remaining witnessed the change in my life, sparking more interest in my church life and faith. This gave me some relief from the burden I carried from my unglorifying years.

Honestly, I don’t think I’ve been fully transformed to the point where I can say, “None of self, and all of Thee”. Traces of my secular self and impulses to return to that seemingly vibrant, yet godless life do resurface, especially when I slacken with my usual spiritual nurture habits. However, the bible advises:

“Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart” (2 Timothy 2:22).

Reflection Questions:

• What are some things we have sacrificed to pursue God's righteousness?

• Have we experienced loneliness? How can we form our own circle of spiritual companions?

• Have we ever rejected God's calls to us to draw closer to Him?

Read part 1 here!