When I was still a student, outside of church services, I didn’t like listening to hymns.

Back then, secular songs were much more appealing to me. Their beats were groovier. Their melodies were catchier and more sentimental. Their vocals were more stirring, and sometimes for ‘emo’ songs, their angsty, despondent lyrics resonated more with me. 

Secular music was my means of mentally escaping reality – the bleak realities of struggling to keep up with my studies, as well as struggling to fit in with my friends both at school and church.

Even when I graduated and entered the workforce, in my initial years of working, I continued to rely on secular music to escape the stress of my job and, ironically, my increasing responsibilities in church. 

All that while, despite having grown up in church, received the Holy Spirit, and serving actively in church, I still didn’t have much of a relationship with God. My relationship with God was but an obligation to please my parents and seniors in church. I didn’t have a true thirst and passion for God, and I didn’t genuinely appreciate how He was truly good and worthy of my worship.

As a result, during those years, I was a bitter Christian who had a mask of godliness on the outside but felt like a spiritual imposter in my heart. 

Because of this poor spiritual state, I didn’t like listening to hymns when I was outside of church. To me, hymns were monotonous in their musical style (always choral and lulling), and their lyrics didn’t resonate with me as much as secular songs about, say, anxiety and loneliness.

Hence, whenever church seniors advised us not to listen to secular songs due to their ungodly influence, I’d inwardly roll my eyes, thinking it’s an unrealistic and unnecessary demand. I’d think, “Not all secular songs have morally bad lyrics (e.g. about drugs, sex, or denying God), right?”, and “So long as I listen with a clear mind and know not to believe or follow what’s being sung, wouldn’t I be fine?”  

I thank God that despite my lack of fervour for Him, God didn’t give up on me, but He continued to use various life experiences to help me see and appreciate His goodness.

This included difficult ones like financial instability and mental illness. Those difficult seasons were also the times when I started listening to hymns more frequently outside of church.

Now, having matured mentally and spiritually from those God-given experiences, I can look back and see that my musical preferences didn’t change overnight, but over the years and in tandem with my deepening relationship with God. My growing preference for hymns was a natural reflection of my growing desire for God.

On the other hand, my declining interest in secular songs happened because I started seeing, not only their spiritual dangers, but also their limitations.

For example, other than distracting me from my troubles or indulging my negative emotions, ‘emo’ songs never gave me the true solution or relief to my problems.

At best, they might remind me to turn to people or find strength within myself, but they will never direct me to God who can truly help me.

When I realised this limitation consistently over time, I became less emotionally dependent on secular music. 

Another factor that quelled my interest in secular music: I realised my increasing need for a quiet headspace to rest, self-reflect, and meditate on God.

Unlike my younger days when I’d fill every available commute or study time with arousing secular songs, now I see the value of giving my brain quiet time – for example, simply spacing out without music, reading the bible, or listening to hymns meditatively while I’m commuting.

Besides reducing my stress by allowing my brain to completely rest, it is also another avenue to spend time with God in the spirit.

The journey to aligning our lifestyle choices with God’s heart, including our musical preferences, is a personal one that each of us have to undertake in unique ways.

No matter how this personal journey unfolds for us, may God give us the enduring strength to align our lives with His heart.       

“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.” (Colossians 3:16)